The Chuff Zone

[catchacab]

An example of an Exec column

 

Spring has Sprung

 

I awoke this morning knowing the world around me has changed.  No longer did I wake up to my wife smacking me in the head saying, “wake up dummy, you better get your ass off to work!�?    This morning I awoke to the sound of birds chirping.   Since I was running late, I brought my breakfast;  a cup of coffee and a pack of cigarettes to my truck that was parked outside.  I noticed, that the birds that have so peacefully awakened me, left some deposits on my Ford pickup.  My ride to work takes only 10 minutes, I open my windows, not to expel the dark cloud of smoking 20 cigarettes in under ten minutes, nor due to the dark cloud of last night’s bean burrito dinner, but to enjoy the warm spring air.

I sit in my office figuring how to depreciate my client’s wife’s cosmetic surgery.  She is a stripper at a local club, but I and the IRS do not know how much she truly earned.  I do their tax returns for free, but I don’t pay for lap dances from her.  Wow, what a body!

I get home from a long day at the office and find my dog Sabre by my front door cleaning himself.    I am truly amazed how he can clean his entire body without sitting in a bath, his only instrument , his tongue.  I can’t stop thinking how much money I can save on my water bill, gas bill, and soap, by imitating him.  I try, but there are areas I can’t reach with my tongue.  I try and try, if I succeed, I probably would never leave the house again.  I open the windows, a warm spring breeze flows in.  My wife walks in, she looks great, she is wearing a long flowered skirt, and a light V-neck sweater.  She tells me what a great day she had, and that it is mating season.  Three minutes later, I am satisfied, but sad, three hundred and sixty five more days till mating season, at least I have the track to keep me occupied until November.

I go outside, it is 6 P.M., and I can still see the sun.   The boys are out back throwing around a base ball.  For too many months we have stuck inside.  We keep throwing the ball around until we can’t see it anymore.  We go into the garage and start up the Porsche; it turns over without any hesitation.  The boys jump in and we drive.  Just a month and a half till we will be at the track.  Our first Auto X is on May xx,xxxx, The 35[suP]th[/suP] Annual Concours will be held at Wax Off on July xx, XXXX.  We are planning on a social event at Sillies.  There is something for everyone.  If you haven’t been to a club event, I and the rest of the Exec Bored are inviting you.  All of us Exec Bored members are looking to meet members who we never met before.  Generally it is because we are losers, and no one likes us.  We need friends.  Will you be our friend?

 

-Ebored.